Your labs are “normal“.
You're not.
Let’s find out why.
You've done the gut protocols, the supplements, the functional medicine rabbit holes. Something still isn't adding up.
Does this sound like you?
Services
The Audit Series
Most supplement protocols are built on guesswork. Yours gets built on labs. We test what's actually depleted, what's blocking absorption, and what your current stack is doing (or not doing) - then redesign it from the ground up.
— 60-min intake call
— 5 functional lab panels (HTMA, OAT, IgG food sensitivity, thyroid/adrenal/hormone, inflammation)
— Custom supplement protocol built from your results
— 60-min protocol walkthrough call
— 30 days of email support
— One more thing here
Your Stack Isn't Working. Here's Why.
01 / The Supplement Audit
$2,995
Includes $1,300 in labsYou can eat clean, sleep well, and take the right supplements — and still be chronically sick because of what you breathe, drink, and touch every day. This audit goes room by room and finds what a blood panel never would.
— In-home assessment (air, water, cookware, personal care, cleaning products)
— EMF exposure mapping
— Pantry and product audit
— Custom detox plan with curated, tested swaps
— Ongoing virtual support and guidance
— Glyphosate and mold test included
Your Home Might Be Undoing Everything.
02 / The Home Audit
$7,999
NYC area clients onlyFor people who've tried everything else and need structured support. This is a 20-week intensive across every system - labs, nutrition, supplements, stress, environment, sleep, and more - built around your schedule, not a generic protocol.
— 120-min deep-dive intake
— 4 follow-up sessions (60–75 min each)
— Personalized protocol and supplement sourcing
— Priority messaging support
— Local support coordination (NYC)
The Full Picture, Not Just One Piece.
03 / The Health Audit
$10,995
Includes $1,000 lab credit
ABOUT VAL
The standard model told me to manage my illnesses forever. I reversed them instead.
Hi, I’m Val, an NYC–based integrative health practitioner who’s been in your shoes. After struggling for years with PCOS, thyroid autoimmunity, endometriosis, POTS, and mold illness, I grew tired of band-aid fixes and one-size-fits-all protocols that never got to the root.
Through advanced labs, environmental assessments, and targeted protocols, I personally overcame each of these challenges, and now apply that expertise to build root-cause strategies that deliver real, lasting change.
This Practice Is Not For Everyone
A free consult is required before booking any audit. Here's an honest filter so we don't waste each other's time.
GOOD FIT
You want to understand what's actually wrong, not just feel better short-term
You're willing to run labs and work from real data
You'll follow through on protocols, not just read them
You've already done the basics and they haven't moved the needle
You want an expert who's been through it personally
NOT A FITLooking for a generic supplement list and meal plan
Want overnight results without protocol compliance
Prefer reassurance over honest findings
Shopping for the cheapest available option
Symptoms May Vary — The Membership
Real health education, a community doing the work alongside you, and accountability that actually means something.
Founding member pricing for first 10 members— locks in permanently
Courses on parasites, microplastics, cholesterol, reversing hair loss, anemia, aging, and much more, updated monthly
Weekly group check-ins
Live calls, Q&A, and a community of people doing the work alongside you
Searchable supplement review archive
Functional lab interpretation guides
Practitioner-only supplements at a discount
Monthly challenges with real accountability — members who don't check in get removed
Growing library of protocols and courses, updated monthly
Symptoms May Vary Podcast
The supplement industry, health myths, and the ingredients nobody's talking about. FDA loopholes, shady sourcing, biohacking gone wrong. Skeptical, evidence-backed, and not trying to sell you anything.